White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize