Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
