8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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