Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
