dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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