my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
