Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
