he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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