the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
