what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
