TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize