i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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