I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
