i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
