yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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