Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
