i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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