You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
