Do you still have your period?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize