butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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