I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
