I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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