i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize