all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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