I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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