at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
