Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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