Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
