so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
