Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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