Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize