Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
