My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
