Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
