There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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