listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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