did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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