dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
