His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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