guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
