you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
