I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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