Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
