"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
