i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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