you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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