thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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