it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
