By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
