you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
