All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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