I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
