i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
