She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
50% drunk capacity currently
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
