Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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