I just threw up on my dentist
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
