I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
