I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
