i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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