dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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