there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
