my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize