Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize