When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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