I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
