My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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