This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
