he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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