so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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