I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
