Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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