I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
