i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
