totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
